If Only

Each morning I dry my pillows in the sun.

If only the moon and the stars can dry my tears,

no longer will I dry my pillows in the sun.

If only the moon and the stars can make my heart alive,

no longer will I cave in the darkness of night.

If only the moon and the stars can make me numb,

no longer will I hide in the bushes of love.

Forever Praise

This wonderful song brings me back to my early days with God – the times when I started truly seeking Him. It wasn’t a love at first sight kind of thing or a head over heels kind of feeling. It was more of a passionate pursuit on His part.

It was six years ago when He found me and stole my heart. I was a messed up teenage girl who only cares about herself and her self-centred dreams. I know my worth but I didn’t know my true value. I know Jesus, but I have no encounters with Him until He rescued me from myself. I decided to pursue Him as well. That decision was not meant to last for a day, a year, or a decade. IT MEANT FOREVER.

My relationship with Him have undergone all sorts of trouble. I’ve learned that love is a decision. It’s a commitment that must be translated into action. As they say, love is a verb.  I am always reminded of the time He was nailed on the cross. That was the ultimate expression of His love. Nothing beats His love. And all I can do is respond to it in total abandonment, love, and praise.

I can say that it’s always sweet to revisit that part of memory lane. 😉 I can see that childlike heart leaning in God’s loving arms . . . that innocent girl dancing with His Daddy. Such precious moments of surrender, acceptance, love and warmth were incomparable.

He had drawn me inside His heart until it became natural for me to respond to Him. It took a real while for me to fully grasp His intention. His love was too much for me. I was caught up in His relentless love and mercy. I might have lost the childlike heart in me for a while, but now is a different tune… I’m singing all out to Him — my one and only.

When?

When was the last time I felt really and deeply happy?

Was it the time when my family used to go on this public pool surrounded by rain forests and friendly strangers?

Was it when an MVP and an actual school heart throb laid eyes on me?

Was it when I bagged medals every end of the school year?

Was it when I dreamed of my first kiss?

Was it when I felt the nearness of a perfect bliss touching my virgin skin?

Was it when I let out a deep cry in my heart and felt a rush of love called heaven?

Or is it sleeping somewhere in the oblivion waiting to come alive?

 

How about your own happiness?

Unspoken Feelings

“. . . tranquillity was no more. My world had for

some years been in L-: my experience had been of its

rules and systems; now I remembered that the real world

was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations

and excitements, awaited those who had courage

to go forth into its expanse, to seek real knowledge of life

amidst its perils.”

Charlotte Bronte

 

Intently watching, forever beckoning

On the time of my conception you were filled with gladness. The night I was born you shook the heavens in celebration. The moment I made my first few tiny steps you had a sheer smile on your face. When I said my first words, you’re listening. Every time I sleep you are beside me. When I dream, you dream with me. I wake up in the morning seeing your radiant light and glory. In my every breath you are there to breathe back.

You made every second to be with me.

You are the beat of my heart

The air that I breathe

Perfume to my soul

The trail in my journey

The colors of a gloomy weather

The clouds in sunny days

The dew in my morning

You are the beauty in everything

You have filled me with gladness. In every success and achievement I had you were there to celebrate.

Now, I am not just taking few tiny steps. I am starting to take few big steps to my journey. The wings you gave me are beginning to take a few flights to where I should be. The feet you gave me will soon take a leap out of the sand where I used to play. The heart you bestowed me will begin to sweep every fiber in me. The eyes you placed in me will soon shed tears of ambiguity and melancholia. But I will always allow myself to be overwhelmed only  with your affection. And I will always be aware of your eyes; intently watching, forever beckoning.

#031412

Floating and Thinking: A Status Update

Last night before I went to sleep, I asked God of what I am to do next and where I should go. I heard his voice in my heart. A word was embedded. It hit me in the head. Now, I’m thinking about that word and how it will affect my decisions and change my life. I woke up this morning with the same thoughts. They now occupy a significant space in my mind.

I usually ask God before I make concrete decisions. But sometimes, when He answers me, I feel like I have to hear another answer. The one that would make me feel at ease, an answer that perfectly fits what I want or most of the time what I think I want.

Many people are asking what I will do next since I recently graduated from college (Oh Yes! Praise HIM!). They want to know where I’m planning to work and what kind of work I would like to do. I’ve thought a lot about it. Intensively. Seriously. Like a removal exam. Make or break. All or nothing. Haha!

Well, what I really wanna do with my life is to travel the world, explore the endless possibilities, do research and publish relevant studies, change lives and transform nations one at a time. But I’ve got to start somewhere, right?

That somewhere can be too far or it can also be land where I am now.

#060612

Once

I walk into the light

with no definite path

feet moving forward

with heart beating backwards.

Scenes from the past

wonders of the future

all intertwine

in this present time.

Footsteps, heartbeats,

perseverance, reluctance;

all in one trance.

A leap of faith,

a jump of joy,

a clap of praise,

a shout of victory;

all in one dance.

A part of my soul says Yes

the other says, Not yet

Cut into two,

divided into pieces;

all in one chance.

A journey too far,

a love to have,

 one lover to behold,

a life to live,

all will happen once.

 

Rendezvous with Time

What is there to wait when the time has come?

Years gone by

Like the falling of the leaves

upon the ground

Time took its own flight

As high as the eagle’s

As deep as the ocean

As swift as the falcon

What is there to wait when spring has arrived?

The winds taste different

Waters smell sweet

The fire already set ablaze

What is there to wait when the journey has to begin?

Time for reflection is over

No need to hold back,

Relax and take control.

What is there to wait when the time is in your hands?

NOTHING.