Each morning I dry my pillows in the sun.
If only the moon and the stars can dry my tears,
no longer will I dry my pillows in the sun.
If only the moon and the stars can make my heart alive,
no longer will I cave in the darkness of night.
If only the moon and the stars can make me numb,
no longer will I hide in the bushes of love.
This wonderful song brings me back to my early days with God – the times when I started truly seeking Him. It wasn’t a love at first sight kind of thing or a head over heels kind of feeling. It was more of a passionate pursuit on His part.
It was six years ago when He found me and stole my heart. I was a messed up teenage girl who only cares about herself and her self-centred dreams. I know my worth but I didn’t know my true value. I know Jesus, but I have no encounters with Him until He rescued me from myself. I decided to pursue Him as well. That decision was not meant to last for a day, a year, or a decade. IT MEANT FOREVER.
My relationship with Him have undergone all sorts of trouble. I’ve learned that love is a decision. It’s a commitment that must be translated into action. As they say, love is a verb. I am always reminded of the time He was nailed on the cross. That was the ultimate expression of His love. Nothing beats His love. And all I can do is respond to it in total abandonment, love, and praise.
I can say that it’s always sweet to revisit that part of memory lane. 😉 I can see that childlike heart leaning in God’s loving arms . . . that innocent girl dancing with His Daddy. Such precious moments of surrender, acceptance, love and warmth were incomparable.
He had drawn me inside His heart until it became natural for me to respond to Him. It took a real while for me to fully grasp His intention. His love was too much for me. I was caught up in His relentless love and mercy. I might have lost the childlike heart in me for a while, but now is a different tune… I’m singing all out to Him — my one and only.
You lifted me out of the ashes. You breathed and I came to being. You embraced me and I felt loved. You carried me by your hand. Away from my fears and failures.
When was the last time I felt really and deeply happy?
Was it the time when my family used to go on this public pool surrounded by rain forests and friendly strangers?
Was it when an MVP and an actual school heart throb laid eyes on me?
Was it when I bagged medals every end of the school year?
Was it when I dreamed of my first kiss?
Was it when I felt the nearness of a perfect bliss touching my virgin skin?
Was it when I let out a deep cry in my heart and felt a rush of love called heaven?
Or is it sleeping somewhere in the oblivion waiting to come alive?
How about your own happiness?
“. . . tranquillity was no more. My world had for
some years been in L-: my experience had been of its
rules and systems; now I remembered that the real world
was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations
and excitements, awaited those who had courage
to go forth into its expanse, to seek real knowledge of life
amidst its perils.”
On the time of my conception you were filled with gladness. The night I was born you shook the heavens in celebration. The moment I made my first few tiny steps you had a sheer smile on your face. When I said my first words, you’re listening. Every time I sleep you are beside me. When I dream, you dream with me. I wake up in the morning seeing your radiant light and glory. In my every breath you are there to breathe back.
You made every second to be with me.
You are the beat of my heart
The air that I breathe
Perfume to my soul
The trail in my journey
The colors of a gloomy weather
The clouds in sunny days
The dew in my morning
You are the beauty in everything
You have filled me with gladness. In every success and achievement I had you were there to celebrate.
Now, I am not just taking few tiny steps. I am starting to take few big steps to my journey. The wings you gave me are beginning to take a few flights to where I should be. The feet you gave me will soon take a leap out of the sand where I used to play. The heart you bestowed me will begin to sweep every fiber in me. The eyes you placed in me will soon shed tears of ambiguity and melancholia. But I will always allow myself to be overwhelmed only with your affection. And I will always be aware of your eyes; intently watching, forever beckoning.
Last night before I went to sleep, I asked God of what I am to do next and where I should go. I heard his voice in my heart. A word was embedded. It hit me in the head. Now, I’m thinking about that word and how it will affect my decisions and change my life. I woke up this morning with the same thoughts. They now occupy a significant space in my mind.
I usually ask God before I make concrete decisions. But sometimes, when He answers me, I feel like I have to hear another answer. The one that would make me feel at ease, an answer that perfectly fits what I want or most of the time what I think I want.
Many people are asking what I will do next since I recently graduated from college (Oh Yes! Praise HIM!). They want to know where I’m planning to work and what kind of work I would like to do. I’ve thought a lot about it. Intensively. Seriously. Like a removal exam. Make or break. All or nothing. Haha!
Well, what I really wanna do with my life is to travel the world, explore the endless possibilities, do research and publish relevant studies, change lives and transform nations one at a time. But I’ve got to start somewhere, right?
That somewhere can be too far or it can also be land where I am now.
I walk into the light
with no definite path
feet moving forward
with heart beating backwards.
Scenes from the past
wonders of the future
in this present time.
all in one trance.
A leap of faith,
a jump of joy,
a clap of praise,
a shout of victory;
all in one dance.
A part of my soul says Yes
the other says, Not yet
Cut into two,
divided into pieces;
all in one chance.
A journey too far,
a love to have,
one lover to behold,
a life to live,
all will happen once.
What is there to wait when the time has come?
Years gone by
Like the falling of the leaves
upon the ground
Time took its own flight
As high as the eagle’s
As deep as the ocean
As swift as the falcon
What is there to wait when spring has arrived?
The winds taste different
Waters smell sweet
The fire already set ablaze
What is there to wait when the journey has to begin?
Time for reflection is over
No need to hold back,
Relax and take control.
What is there to wait when the time is in your hands?